


Blighted Recovery

by AmberBrown



Series: Earning Their Keep [22]
Category: The Musketeers (2014)
Genre: Angst, Dreams and Nightmares, Drugged Sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-08 07:50:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15238779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberBrown/pseuds/AmberBrown
Summary: D’Artagnan pushed the blankets aside and slowly swung his legs off the bed, he was about to pull himself up to stand when Athos appeared in the doorway.‘Shut the door,’ hissed d’Artagnan, ‘Aramis is talking in his sleep, he’s reliving the first night Lestrange came back...I’m worried he’ll say something…’The dreaming Musketeer was mumbling incoherently. They could not make out all that he said but it was clear the encounter with Lestrange had been uncomfortable for Aramis.





	1. Dangerous Words

**Author's Note:**

> If you have not read the previous stories in the series: Aramis and d’Artagnan are in an established relationship. A previous lover of Aramis has caused some issues, leaving both men injured, and Aramis unable to accept that what happened was not his fault.  
> This is a follow up to ‘The Old Flame’ and ‘Getting Even’, I have briefly recounted them at the start of this story. Other stories in the series are mentioned, but you don’t need to have read them.

It was obvious to Porthos as he had ridden next to the cart his friends were travelling in that d’Artagnan had been exhausted. The young Musketeer had slept for most of the journey back to Paris. Aramis had watched over him the entire time. Porthos had eventually made a point of talking to his friend to distract him from his misplaced worry and self-blame.

Both men had received a variety of injuries, d’Artagnan had been shot in the shoulder and had required a local doctor, fortunately, a competent surgeon, to remove the ball. Aramis had been on the receiving end of a nasty knife wound to his arm and had lost enough blood to leave him weakened and still quite pale. 

The cause of their assortment of injuries had been a man from Aramis’ past. Porthos remembered Lestrange when Aramis had met the man the first time around. Aramis had been very taken with the man, so much so that he had briefly let his guard down and allowed himself to be caught by Porthos in a compromising position. Porthos had not long been a commissioned Musketeer at the time and had not known about Aramis’ sexual proclivities until he caught the two of them engaged in more than a chaste embrace in a quiet alleyway near his rooms. 

Porthos had no problem with who Aramis took to his bed and after making it clear he was not that way inclined the two men had continued with their friendship. But Lestrange had been there on the periphery for a few months. Porthos had quickly realised the man was not a good influence on his friend. He and Athos and the handful of others who knew that Aramis was sleeping with Lestrange had told Aramis that Lestrange was not all he seemed to be. But Aramis could not see it, he had been blinded by his fondness for the man. Porthos had often wondered if Aramis had loved Lestrange, something that had been proven in recent weeks. 

Poor Aramis had been taken in by his old flames advances for a second time, d’Artagnan had seen it and tried to get Aramis to see reason. But Aramis had ignored the warnings. At least d’Artagnan had thought Aramis was ignoring the warnings. What none of them had known was that Lestrange had been drugging their friend to make him easy to manipulate. Lestrange had finally shown his true colour. Lestrange had planned to frame Aramis for a burglary. But d’Artagnan had managed to foil the plan.

Aramis had been very embarrassed to find out he had been used in such a way, they had tried to placate him, but he felt to blame. They had thought Lestrange was dead, drowned in The Seine. They were wrong. The man had returned and beaten both Aramis and d’Artagnan and left both men injured and Aramis again feeling he was responsible for all that had happened. 

Now they were back at the garrison. Treville had taken one look at d’Artagnan and Aramis and sent them both to the infirmary with strict instructions to stay there until they were sufficiently recovered to take on light duties. Athos had gone with their Captain to brief him on what had happened whilst Porthos and a couple of cadets had helped d’Artagnan and Aramis into the infirmary. 

Having slept for the majority of the journey back to Paris, d’Artagnan was now awake and although clearly still in pain looked a lot brighter than he had done. He was sat up in bed as Porthos changed the dressing on his wound whilst Aramis watched. 

‘Now that you are back here and safe, Aramis, perhaps you should try to rest a bit?’ said Porthos turning to look at his friend who was sat on the next bed.

Aramis looked tired, he was blinking and had sat down heavily when the cadet had helped him in. 

‘I wanted to be sure he was settled,’ Aramis said with a grin, ‘I’m expecting him to be a nuisance once he starts to feel a bit better.’

Porthos was sure the grin that Aramis had given was for their benefit. Their friend had been able to maintain light-hearted conversations with them each for the few days they had remained at the tavern waiting for d’Artagnan to be well enough to travel. But each of them had known Aramis was dwelling on the events that had led to d’Artagnan getting shot and was fully blaming himself. Porthos had noticed him staring off into the distance on occasion, lost in thought.

Athos had commented to Porthos that they should give Aramis a little space and time to come around to the idea that it was not his fault. They knew that given some time their friend would reach the correct conclusion. 

‘He’s in bed and you should be as well,’ Pothos remarked as he shook his head, ‘you’re still pale. You do know you lost quite a lot of blood?’

Aramis rolled his eyes, ‘yes, Porthos, I was there...being a nuisance…’

Porthos managed a chuckle in response, although inwardly he still hated the fact that he had been forced to strike his friend to render him unconscious in the immediate aftermath of their misadventure with Lestrange. 

Aramis swung his legs onto the bed and looked across to Porthos and d’Artagnan before speaking again.

‘Satisfied?’

Porthos nodded before crossing to the bed and reaching down to pull his friend's boots off, setting them on the floor at the end of the bed. 

‘Now stay there,’ he said firmly, ‘I’m going to the mess. And I will be returning with food for you both after I’ve had something. I’m sure Serge will be only too happy to mollycoddle you with something you like.’

Aramis managed a genuine smile at the comment, Porthos was pleased. After a last look at the two injured men, he left them alone. He knew his friends would recover physically, and although Aramis might take a little longer to recover mentally, he would get there.

MMMM

D’Artagnan felt much better than he had done. The cart they had been brought back to the garrison in had been of good quality, the ride not nearly as jarring as he had thought it would be. He had still felt weak and quickly succumbed to the sleep his body needed. The few days at the tavern had been uncomfortable for him. His shoulder wound coupled with the injuries he had received to his ribs had left him unable to find a comfortable position to sleep in. As the bruises had faded and his ribs had ceased to cause him as much pain he had slept less fitfully. Porthos had decided after four days that he was fit enough to travel. 

Aramis, whose own injuries were not as severe would have been able to ride at a push, but as d’Artagnan could not, his lover had acquiesced and joined him in the borrowed cart for the journey back.

Aramis still looked pained and obviously troubled by the events of recent weeks. They had thought Lestrange was gone and then he had turned up to torment Aramis afresh, but now that Aramis knew what kind of a man his former lover was his attitude towards the man had been different. D’Artagnan knew that Aramis had quietly grieved for the man, now that he was really dead, but probably not to the extent that he might have done before he had been used and manipulated to the man’s will. 

‘Go to sleep, Aramis,’ d’Artagnan finally said when it became obvious to him that his lover was trying to stay awake, ‘nothing is going to happen here. Nowhere is safer than here.’

Aramis managed to smile, ‘sorry, I’m still finding it hard to accept what he did to us.’

‘I know, but he’s really gone now...once we are back on duty you must promise me not to dwell on it all.’

Aramis nodded with another, genuine, smile. 

‘I intend to make it up to you,’ he said.

D’Artagnan rolled his eyes, ‘you don’t need to,’ he paused before continuing with a cheeky grin of his own, ‘but I won’t stop you.’

‘There’s this really secluded spot I know, lovely views, beautiful lake...perhaps next time we get an assignment, just the two of us, that goes near it, we might just need to stop overnight there…’

D’Artagnan could see Aramis was starting to fall asleep.

‘What if someone comes passed?’

‘They won’t,’ replied Aramis with a yawn.

‘Will you make me feel amazing?’

Aramis did not reply, d’Artagnan observed his lover for a few seconds concluding the man had finally relaxed enough to fall asleep.

D’Artagnan smiled, ‘sleep well,’ he said quietly.

MMMM

Aramis did not sleep soundly for long. D’Artagnan watched his lover with concern as he twitched a few times before reaching out with his uninjured right arm and swatting at some unseen foe. 

‘No…’ Aramis said in his sleep.

D’Artagnan glanced out of the infirmary window across the yard to the mess. He wondered how long Porthos would be. He knew he was not supposed to get out of bed and he did not want to jeopardise his own recovery but it was clear that Aramis was dreaming, and the dream was not pleasant. 

‘You can’t fuck me...no...Martin, we’re not sleeping together…’

D’Artagnan now glanced at the slightly open door to the infirmary. Porthos had failed to close it when he went meaning that anyone immediately outside might be able to hear Aramis talking in his sleep. 

‘NO!’

The shout from his lover made d’Artagnan jump, he looked back at the troubled man lying in the bed next to him. 

‘Is everything alright?’ 

One of the newer cadets, Antoine, had cautiously pushed the door open and was peering in.

‘Antoine,’ said d’Artagnan, ‘can you find Porthos or Athos and ask them to come here?’

Antoine eyed Aramis for a moment before looking back at d’Artagnan and nodded. He hurried off across the garrison yard, leaving the door open even wider.

‘Stop it, Martin we can’t...you left…’

D’Artagnan was becoming increasingly worried about the open door, the chances of Aramis saying something damming was a real possibility. It was clear to d’Artagnan that Aramis was dreaming about the first night that Lestrange had returned. They had eaten together at the tavern closest to Aramis’ rooms. D’Artagnan had a night planned with Constance and had reluctantly left his lover with Lestrange who had been plying him with wine the whole evening. The following morning Aramis could not fully remember what had happened, he had inferred that Lestrange had wanted sex but that when Aramis had said he was not interested the man had backed off. The dream that Aramis was now having implied that was not quite what happened. 

D’Artagnan pushed the blankets aside and slowly swung his legs off the bed, he was about to pull himself up to stand when Athos appeared in the doorway. 

‘Where are you going?’ he asked.

‘Shut the door,’ hissed d’Artagnan, ‘Aramis is talking in his sleep, he’s reliving the first night Lestrange came back...I’m worried he’ll say something…’

Athos nodded and quickly closed the door firmly, after checking the windows were also all closed he crossed to the two injured men. Athos helped d’Artagnan to get back into his bed before sitting on the edge of Aramis’.

The dreaming Musketeer was mumbling incoherently. They could not make out all that he said but it was clear the encounter with Lestrange had been uncomfortable for Aramis.


	2. 'He wouldn't know.'

_A few weeks ago... ___

__Wine did not normally go to his head quickly. He was not the seasoned drinker that Athos was but he could hold his alcohol well enough. Martin had kept his cup full for most of the evening, which had been typical of the man. It was odd to be there with his former and current lovers. Initially, he had worried that d’Artagnan, despite his blessing would have been frosty towards Martin. But the younger man was joining in the conversation where he could and seemed intrigued by Martin’s stories of the things they had got up to when he and Martin had been together before._ _

__But Martin had been his usual over the top self and had caused d’Artagnan to look worriedly around a few times, fearful that they would be heard talking about certain things. But the tavern was busy, no one would be able to hear them. When d’Artagnan had left for his liaison with Constance, Martin had seemed pleased. They had continued to talk about the old times, Martin was, as always, careful not to talk about what he was actually up to and why he was back in Paris after a few years away._ _

__Martin had become quite loud and bawdy, but Aramis did not care, it was entertaining. Until the altercation with the men from the other table. One minute he was watching Martin remonstrate with the large men, the next he was on the floor with the overturned table on top of him. Aramis had no idea how it had happened._ _

__Martin had pulled the table off him and laughed as Aramis had tried to scramble up but failed. Aramis realised the table must have knocked his ankle leaving him in pain, which he knew when he sobered up would be worse. But at that moment it did not matter, he was with his old friend, his former lover and he was quite happy._ _

__After pulling him up to stand Martin had helped him to hobble out of the tavern, out onto the cold street. It was late and it was quiet. Only a couple of beggars and street women were around to see Martin helping him along the road. Martin had his arm around his waist, Aramis was glad of the support. Although he did think Martin was holding him a little closer and tighter than was entirely necessary._ _

__Halfway along the road, the excesses of the night caught up with him, Aramis pulled away from Martin and threw up. Martin had not let him go, he had rested his hand on Aramis back slowly stroking it down across his arse until he pushed his fingers between Aramis’ legs. Aramis found the move a little invasive, he tried to move away from Martin but stumbled backwards, caught by his former lover and held up. Martin had smiled at him, that winning smile that had drawn Aramis to the man in the first place._ _

__They continued along the road, Aramis found himself blinking to try to keep the road level as it was tilting and twisting in ways he really did not think it should be. He really could not believe he had allowed himself to become that drunk but he did not really have the energy to work out why he felt as he did. All he really wanted to do was lie down, to sleep._ _

__They reached his rooms, Aramis felt in his pocket for his key but struggled to grasp it. Martin slipped his hand into the pocket and after grabbing the key took the opportunity to rub at Aramis’ groin. The move shocked him he flinched away but Martin just laughed again and manhandled him into the building. Why was he coming in as well?_ _

__Even with an injured ankle, he could have found his own way upstairs. Perhaps Martin was just going to see him to his rooms, which was a good idea given how disorientated he was now feeling._ _

__‘You really don’t have to take me to the door you know,’ he said as Martin slipped his arm around his waist again._ _

__‘Oh, I think I do, my love,’ Martin replied with a squeeze of his arm._ _

__Once Martin had locked the door to his rooms Aramis started to feel a bit unsure of his former lover's intentions._ _

__‘Don’t you have anywhere to stay?’ he asked._ _

__‘Yes, but since I’m here…’_ _

__Martin took a few steps towards Aramis who held out his hand to stop him._ _

__‘What do you think you’re doing?’ he laughed._ _

__Aramis did not want to admonish his friend. He wondered if he had perhaps encouraged Martin a little during the course of the evening? Had he given the man the idea that he wanted to spend the night with him?_ _

__Any further thoughts were forgotten when Aramis found himself suddenly feeling very weak, he felt his knees buckle. If Martin had not been standing directly in front of him he would have crashed to the ground._ _

__‘Whoa! My love, you have had too much to drink...and I thought you could hold your wine...let’s get you to bed.’_ _

__‘I’m fine…’ protested Aramis as Martin manoeuvered him towards the bedroom._ _

__Aramis found that the room span as he was sat on the edge of the bed. Martin undid the buttons on his doublet and pushed it off his shoulders. He left the doublet halfway down his arms leaving Aramis unable to coordinate himself to pull the jacket off completely. Martin winked at him as he knelt and began to pull Aramis’ boot off him._ _

__‘He wouldn’t know…’_ _

__Aramis realised Martin was talking to him, he paused his continued attempt to shrug out of his doublet and tried to work out what his old lover was talking about._ _

__‘He’s busy with his woman, let me fuck you…’_ _

__‘No…’_ _

__Aramis was blinking, trying to clear his vision. Martin had finished pulling Aramis’ boots off and knelt up pushing the doublet off Aramis and after grabbing his boots walked from the room._ _

__Aramis took the opportunity to try to get to his feet but failed, Martin was back within a few seconds. His former lover gently pushed Aramis back onto the bed. For a moment Aramis thought Martin would simply throw the blankets over him and leave. When the buttons on his breeches started to be undone Aramis had a moment of clarity. He knew what his former lover was trying to do._ _

__‘You can’t fuck me...no...Martin, we’re not sleeping together…’_ _

__Aramis pushed Martin away only to find his hands being grabbed and pushed back._ _

__‘We were good together, my love,’ Martin said as he leaned over him._ _

__Aramis tried to push him off again._ _

__‘NO!’_ _

__Martin paused, ‘really? You used to love it when I took charge and fucked you.’_ _

__Aramis managed to push Martin away and tried to move away, but the man was insistent. He grabbed Aramis breeches and started to pull them off him. Aramis tried to move away but felt another wave of weakness wash over him._ _

__Martin seemed to notice Aramis growing weaker and took advantage. Aramis could do nothing to stop the man undoing his underclothes and pulling them off him as well. His shirt was pushed up. Martin managed to pull the shirt off him and toss it aside. Aramis realised he was naked, he should not be naked with a man who was not his lover. Not in the circumstances he was in. Aramis was not a bashful man, he was a soldier, being naked in front of other men was not a problem. In battle, or on assignment they just got on with what was needed to do, if that meant stripping off to bathe in a river or to receive medical attention they just did it. But this was not right._ _

__‘Stop it, Martin we can’t...you left…’_ _

__Martin paused for a moment, he looked at Aramis._ _

__‘You need to stop this,’ Aramis managed to say._ _

__Martin appeared to think for a moment before nodding._ _

__‘You’re right my love.’_ _

__Aramis felt relieved for a moment until Martin leaned forward and kissed him firmly on the lips. Aramis tried to push the man away again but lacked the strength._ _

__‘Sorry…’ said Martin, ‘I don’t know what came over me.’_ _

__Aramis managed to focus on Martin and saw that the man looked embarrassed._ _

__‘It’s alright,’ he said, ‘I must have led you on, I’m sorry.’_ _

__Martin smiled, ‘let’s have another drink before I go.’_ _

__MMMM_ _

___Now… ____ _

____The expression on d’Artagnan’s face could only be described as guilty. Athos had watched as his friend had listened to Aramis’ confused mumbled words. He could work out what had happened from Aramis’ half of the conversation. D’Artagnan was struggling not to react._ _ _ _

____‘Why is this bothering you so much?’ he asked, ‘you knew that Lestrange had tried to seduce him.’_ _ _ _

____D’Artagnan looked at Athos for a few seconds before looking away._ _ _ _

____‘He told me that Lestrange had tried to instigate them sleeping together that first night, but that he had told him no and he had backed off.’_ _ _ _

____D’Artagnan paused for a moment, he sighed._ _ _ _

____‘I thought that perhaps Aramis had encouraged Lestrange. He said he thought he might have done, but listening to him...it’s clear he was being coerced.’_ _ _ _

____Athos nodded, ‘do you think he had been drugged that first time?’_ _ _ _

____D’Artagnan nodded, ‘I’m sure he had, I think Lestrange had to try a few times to get the amount right...to get Aramis in a state that he would do anything for him.’_ _ _ _

____‘Then you should consider Aramis lucky that Lestrange did not get it right that first night.’_ _ _ _

____D’Artagnan looked back at Athos, ‘but what if he managed to get it right on one of the other nights...Aramis has said he doesn’t think they slept together, but I’m not so sure.’_ _ _ _

____Athos looked back at Aramis who seemed to be calming down. He was still mumbling but did not seem as disturbed as when he had first arrived._ _ _ _

____‘Is this going to be a problem?’ asked Athos, ‘is he likely to remember some of the other times he was drugged with Lestrange?’_ _ _ _

____D’Artagnan nodded, ‘I expect so. Perhaps the shock of seeing Lestrange again has unlocked it from his drug-addled brain?’_ _ _ _

____Athos looked back at Aramis again, ‘would it be alright if I talked to Treville, in confidence of course?’ he asked. ‘I think we need to take action to prevent Aramis from inadvertently putting himself, or you in danger.’_ _ _ _

____D’Artagnan nodded reluctantly, ‘yes.’_ _ _ _

____Athos rose from the bed and left his injured brothers alone, closing the door carefully behind him._ _ _ _

____MMMM_ _ _ _

____D’Artagnan watched Athos go. He looked at the closed door for a few moments reflecting that so much about their lives had to remain behind closed doors. Aramis’ distress could not be shared with others as they might not understand; might not take too kindly to the reasons behind it. Might feel the need to cause them harm because of it._ _ _ _

____‘I’m sorry…’_ _ _ _

____D’Artagnan looked back across the room to Aramis who was looking at him._ _ _ _

____‘I heard you and Athos talking...I didn’t know this would happen.’_ _ _ _

____‘Of course you didn’t, how could you know...do you remember what you dreamt about?’_ _ _ _

____Aramis nodded, he looked ashamed._ _ _ _

____‘Do we have to go over this again, Aramis,’ scolded d’Artagnan, ‘you’d been drugged…’_ _ _ _

____‘I know, but I still feel guilty about it all. I should have listened to you.’_ _ _ _

____D’Artagnan sighed, ‘I think by the time I realised Lestrange was up to something it was too late, he’d already been drugging you. I think he already had you where he wanted you.’_ _ _ _

____Aramis looked away, ‘I suppose you’re right.’_ _ _ _

____They sat in silence for a few minutes before Aramis spoke again._ _ _ _

____‘What do you think Treville will suggest? If I do continue to talk in my sleep I’m going to be too much of a liability here.’_ _ _ _

____‘We’ll work something out…’_ _ _ _

____The door to the infirmary opened again, Treville walked in with a smile on his face._ _ _ _

____‘I’m glad you are both awake,’ he said, ‘I’ve been thinking, perhaps it would be better if Aramis, you go back to your rooms for a few days. That arm of yours is not going to cause you too many problems. You’ll be back on light duties in no time.’_ _ _ _

____Aramis was about to protest, d’Artagnan knew what his lover was going to say._ _ _ _

____‘No, Aramis, I think the peace and quiet will do you good. And I think, if you are willing, d’Artagnan, you could join Aramis?’_ _ _ _

____D’Artagnan was a little surprised at the suggestion, his injuries were worse than Aramis’, he would be restricted for several days more than Aramis would be._ _ _ _

____‘From what Athos told me Aramis has enough mobility now that he should be able to look after you both well enough with visits from Athos and Porthos to bring you food and change the dressings...you can keep an eye on each other and won’t be cluttering up my infirmary.’_ _ _ _

____D’Artagnan glanced across to Aramis who was smiling gratefully._ _ _ _

____‘Thank you, Captain…’_ _ _ _

____Treville nodded, ‘Athos is sorting out some transport for you. When Aramis is fit enough for light duties, we will reassess the situation.’_ _ _ _

____With another nod, Treville left the room. D’Artagnan, like his lover, was grateful for their Captain’s intervention. He knew it was likely Aramis would have more nightmares, but Aramis would not like to be banished to his rooms and spend his days wondering how d’Artagnan was. Equally, d’Artagnan wanted to be there in case Aramis remembered something more traumatic than he already had, which d’Artagnan suspected with sadness was a likely scenario._ _ _ _


	3. Another Dream

‘I still can’t believe you and the footman just carried this through the streets,’ said Porthos as he leaned back on Aramis’ couch which took up most of the length of one wall in the small sitting room.

Aramis was sat in his chair in front of the hearth gently poking at the fire with a poker. He looked over at Porthos and smiled.

‘See, d’Artagnan, I told you he was jealous, he wants one as well.’

Porthos chuckled, before swinging his legs up on the couch and leaning back on the bolster cushion.

‘It is comfortable,’ he confirmed.

Aramis knew Porthos was merely trying to keep the mood light. They all knew why he and d’Artagnan had been effectively banished back to his rooms. Athos would have told Porthos enough of what had happened to understand why it was necessary to move the two injured men out of the relative safety of the infirmary and across the city and up the narrow stairs to where they were now all sat.

D’Artagnan looked a little pale after the short journey and appeared to be glad that he was sat down again. Aramis knew he could not have looked much better. He was grateful to his brothers for not bringing up their respective states of health. Athos was busy checking the dressing on d’Artagnan’s shoulder.

‘One of us will visit tomorrow morning to bring you food and check your dressings again,’ said Athos as he pushed back the chair before moving it back to the small table.

‘Thank you,’ said Aramis with sincerity, ‘I’m sorry I’ve caused you yet more problems.’

All three of his brothers looked at him.

Porthos was the first to speak, ‘you do not have to thank us, Aramis,’ he said, his expression serious, ‘you’ve helped us all often enough. Without you none of us would be here, you know that. Let us pay you back.’

Aramis managed a smile.

‘He is right,’ said Athos, ‘we just want you to concentrate on yourself for a few days. We need our marksman back, fighting fit.’

Porthos made a display of over the top dismay when Athos indicated they should leave, he slowly heaved himself off the dark pink couch, before looking back at it mournfully.

‘Next time I’ve had too much to drink and I can’t be bothered with walking back to the garrison...me and that coach will be getting better acquainted,’ he said with a grin, ‘I’m sure it’s more comfortable than my bed.’

‘Definitely jealous,’ repeated Aramis smiling at his friend as Porthos bowed low before leaving the room with a wave of his hat. 

Athos shook his head before following him, quietly closing the door behind him. 

Aramis glanced at d’Artagnan before saying with a genuine smile, ‘it's probably for the best he doesn't know what we've got up to on that couch.’

They sat in silence for a few seconds, Aramis looked at his lover who was looking at the fire.

‘You should rest,’ he said, ‘your recovery is just as important as mine. More so, your injuries are worse than mine.’

D’Artagnan nodded, Aramis could tell his lover was struggling to stay awake. Slowly, wary of his own injury, Aramis rose from the chair and stepped forward to help his lover up. D’Artagnan wavered slightly.

‘We should have just had Athos put you straight to bed,’ said Aramis.

D’Artagnan let Aramis help him through to the bedroom. Aramis allowed his lover to undress as best he could only stepping in to help him pull his shirt over his head and pull his breeches off. Aramis was glad that Porthos had already made a big scene of pulling d’Artagnan’s boots off him. His friend had managed to lighten the mood considerably with his antics. 

As d’Artagnan settled himself in the bed Aramis returned to the sitting room to collect anything he might need overnight. As he pottered about sorting things out for them both he wondered if he would have more dreams. He was annoyed that his problem had become a problem for them all. He wished he could remember what had gone on when he was under the influence of the drug. The dream he had experienced earlier in the day had been very vivid, he could remember every detail. He felt so exposed, knowing how easily he had fallen foul of Lestrange’s plan. 

‘Do you want me to wake you if you dream again?’ asked d’Artagnan sleepily.

‘I might not wake you from the look of you,’ replied Aramis as he slowly undressed, being careful not to pull his own stitches.

D’Artagnan yawned as he replied, ‘well if I am awake then? It was horrible watching you earlier...I think Athos came close to waking you.’

Aramis thought for a moment before replying, ‘I think I want to know what happened, I don’t like not knowing...even if what I did was...wrong.’

Aramis found himself looking at the ground, the feeling of shame washing over him again. Had he slept with Lestrange?

D’Artagnan knew what he was thinking, ‘we’ve been through this. If you did sleep together, it wasn’t willingly on your part. Even if you didn’t try to push him away, you weren’t yourself...you know I won’t blame you or be angry.’

Aramis looked back up at him, ‘thank you,’ he said quietly.

D’Artagnan pushed the blankets back for Aramis and nodded to the space beside him. Aramis climbed in and managed to lean across his lover and kiss him.

‘I look forward to us both being fit again,’ he said with a smile, ‘I’d like to make some different memories to dream about.’

MMMM

_A few weeks ago… ___

__‘He’s what, ten years younger than you?’ Martin said as he refilled Aramis cup with wine._ _

__Aramis nodded, ‘yes, but it’s not caused us any issues so far.’_ _

__Aramis watched as Martin leaned back in the chair. His former lover had been making disparaging remarks about his relationship with d’Artagnan for some time now. They had started off talking generally about their days. Martin had been amused that d’Artagnan was not keen on him. Initially, Aramis had found his lovers doubt amusing as well, but now it was starting to grate on him. He was annoyed that d’Artagnan would not just accept that Martin was merely a friend now. Aramis did not love the man anymore. He had done, but then Martin had left. The incident the first night had been a drunken mistake on Martins part. The man had apologised when they had next seen each other, d’Artagnan had spent that evening watching Martin carefully. Aramis had taken great delight in telling him he was being overprotective._ _

__‘What happens in a few years time, when you’re grey and creaky?’_ _

__‘I’m not that old,’ retorted Aramis with a laugh._ _

__Some rowdy men drew Aramis’ attention for a few seconds when he looked back Martin was refilling their cups again._ _

__‘What if some new young man comes on the scene and he starts looking at them instead?’_ _

__‘Our relationship isn’t like that,’ said Aramis._ _

__He wondered if Martin was going to start asking about how he and d’Artagnan came to be in a relationship. Aramis did not want to talk about that. He had not even intimated to his former lover what had happened._ _

__Martin looked at him for a few seconds before smiling._ _

__‘We were good together, you and I...we could be again.’_ _

__Aramis sighed, ‘you are as bad as him,’ he said, ‘I’ve got you wanting to be with me, and him wanting me to be careful around you.’_ _

__Martin laughed._ _

__‘It’s all quite tiring,’ said Aramis with a dramatic sigh._ _

__‘At least you’re popular, people watching out for you on all sides.’_ _

__‘A shame they are not both on the same side, it would be a lot easier. I’m not leaving d’Artagnan. You had your chance and you left...it’s not my fault I found someone else.’_ _

__Martin’s expression darkened, ‘you could have come with me if I had known how much you wanted to be with me…’_ _

__‘Are you saying it’s my fault?’ laughed Aramis._ _

__The two men sat for a few moments. Aramis watched Martin, who appeared to be thinking before he spoke again._ _

__‘I think you should talk to him, find out what his plan is. What happens if he gets the chance to marry his woman? You wouldn’t be needed then.’_ _

__Aramis put down his cup of wine and glared at Martin._ _

__‘No, we’ve discussed that it wouldn’t change anything. I’m with him. Like I said you had your chance.’_ _

__Aramis rose from the table, taking his hat and putting it on. He walked towards the door. As he moved around some of the other patrons he realised he felt a little dizzy. Perhaps he had stood up too quickly in his haste to get away from Martin. The man would not stop with his continual attempts to make him accept that d’Artagnan was too young for him._ _

__He reached for the door and found Martin’s hand circling his wrist. Martin held him firmly, bruisingly so. Aramis tried to pull away but found that he could not. His strength seemed to have diminished._ _

__‘Let go of me,’ he said through clenched teeth._ _

__‘Come and sit down for a few minutes.’_ _

__‘Why would I want to be with you?’_ _

__The slight dizziness had increased. Martin firmly walked him back to their table. Not wishing to cause a scene Aramis did not resist him._ _

__MMMM_ _

___Now… ____ _

____Lestrange had forced him back to the table for a good reason, realised Aramis as he awoke with a start. He glanced at d’Artagnan who was still asleep. Pleased that his lover had not been woken by the dream Aramis stared at the ceiling._ _ _ _

____As he thought about the dream he found tears in his eyes. Lestrange had already drugged him before he tried to leave the tavern. The reason he felt dizzy was the drug starting to work. The reason Lestrange had grabbed him so firmly was to prevent him from leaving the tavern. If Aramis had left and the drug had worked its way to full potency he would have been vulnerable on the Paris streets. He would have been in danger of being assaulted or worse._ _ _ _

____Lestrange had saved him._ _ _ _

____Despite the man’s ulterior motive, he had not wanted to see Aramis hurt by others. Aramis could not work out how he felt. He knew that Lestrange had been intending to frame him for the theft he had planned. Aramis wondered if he had accepted Lestrange's offer to rekindle their relationship, would Lestrange have still committed the burglary? Would the man have abandoned his new lover for Aramis?_ _ _ _

____The way Lestrange had behaved with Phillipe had made Aramis wonder if Lestrange, perhaps, had still cared for him. Lestrange had been watching out for his welfare, in a warped manner, but the care was there._ _ _ _

____Aramis wiped the tears from his eyes. He did not want d’Artagnan to see him crying. The young man would want to know why and Aramis did not want to share that piece of information. Aramis did not want d’Artagnan to realise that Lestrange had prevented harm coming to him that night, despite what he would eventually go on to do._ _ _ _

____MMMM_ _ _ _

____It had taken every fibre of his being to remain still as Aramis had talked in his sleep. Although not another nightmare the second dream had still been distressing to listen to. D’Artagnan had wanted to turn to his lover and gather him up in his arms and tell him he did not blame him for his reaction. It was obvious to him that Aramis was crying, struggling to come to terms with Lestrange’s actions._ _ _ _

____The man, who had nearly killed his lover had also saved him. If Aramis had been allowed to leave the tavern that night, if Lestrange had not stopped him, Aramis would have been alone. He could have been robbed, he could have been assaulted. D’Artagnan shuddered at the thought of what the more nefarious Parisons might have done to a drugged, soldier. A soldier who was open to suggestion._ _ _ _

____D’Artagnan wondered if he should talk to Aramis about the dream. He would not mention that he knew what it was about. He knew he should let Aramis lead in any conversation they had. He did not want Aramis to know he had been awake, aware of the distress the revelation had caused him. Aware that Lestrange had saved his lover from harm at that moment._ _ _ _

____As sleep overtook him d’Artagnan hoped his lover would be able to sleep unaffected for the rest of the night._ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The couch that Porthos is so enamoured with first appears in ‘Room for Two.’


	4. A Good Man?

The landlady had lent him the spare key so that he could let himself in without having to disturb his brothers. It was still early and he expected to find them both still in bed, hopefully asleep, having both slept well. 

Athos had related what had happened, Aramis’ disturbing dream had angered him. He hated to think that his best friend was still being affected by Lestrange. Porthos had hoped the whole sordid affair had died with the man in question. But a lingering after effect was now blighting his friend's recovery. Porthos knew that Aramis would play it down, try to hide how much it was affecting him. The worry for Aramis was that he might have inadvertently been unfaithful to d’Artagnan. Despite them all knowing that Aramis was far too loyal to have done such a thing they also all knew how manipulative Lestrange had been. And how weak-willed the drugged Aramis had been. 

His best friend had been both horrified and embarrassed at what had happened to him. Porthos had managed to lighten his mood with some gentle teasing when they were alone. He knew that Athos would not have approved of the teasing, but Aramis had managed to laugh and that was enough for Porthos. 

But after the second encounter with Lestrange, Porthos was angry, even though the man was really dead this time, his legacy was still affecting Aramis. He hoped that there had been no more dreams and that their fears, particularly Aramis’ had not been realised. 

As he quietly opened the door he was a bit surprised to find an awake and alert d’Artagnan looking up at him from his chair by the fire. 

‘Aramis is still asleep,’ he said quietly looking toward the bedroom.

Porthos nodded his understanding. Rest was important for both the injured men. 

‘How are you feeling?’ he asked, keeping his voice low.

‘Still not brilliant, but I think that’s understandable...I was shot after all.’

Porthos chuckled as he crouched down in front of the fire and started to build it up a bit. D’Artagnan had not dressed, merely pulled his cloak around himself. Porthos guessed the idea of trying to pull breeches on was too much for the injured man, and trying to wrangle a shirt over his wounded shoulder would probably have made the man pass out.

‘Do you want me to help you dress? Or are you happy like that, it’s not as if you’re going anywhere,’ asked Porthos.

D’Artagnan shook his head, ‘I don’t see the point, I know I’ll feel tired again and end up back in there soon enough.’

Porthos was pleased with d’Artagnan’s pragmatic approach to his situation. He wished Aramis was the same, but his brother was stubborn and generally had to be forced to rest when he was injured. 

After building the fire up a bit more Porthos busied himself preparing to change the dressing on d’Artagnan’s shoulder as he worked he glanced towards the bedroom.

‘He had another dream,’ said d’Artagnan in answer to the unasked question.

Porthos looked back at d’Artagnan, ‘can you tell me what it was about?’

Porthos did not want to make d’Artagnan feel like he had to tell him. The dream could have been the recollection of what they all hoped had not happened. 

‘Do you remember the bruise he had on his wrist? The one Lestrange gave him in the tavern.’

Porthos nodded, Aramis’ wrist had been dark with bruising even after a few days of the events when he and Athos had returned from their assignment and found out what had happened.

‘From what I could work out, Lestrange had to grab hold of him to stop him leaving the tavern. I think Aramis had been given the drug but it wasn’t working at the point that Aramis tried to leave, so Lestrange had to forcefully stop him...Porthos, I think in that instance, Lestrange saved him.’

Porthos thought through what d’Artagnan had said. They knew the drug that Lestrange had been slipping Aramis made him easy to manipulate and weakened him. Porthos shook his head in disgust at the treatment his friend had received. Not for the first time he wished that Athos and he had been there, they would have seen through Lestrange’s charm and probably could have prevented the suffering Aramis went through. 

‘The dream, it upset him...he doesn’t know I was awake. I’m not sure if I should talk to him about it or not.’

‘I wouldn’t, if ‘e wants to talk about it he will.’

D’Artagnan nodded, Porthos got the impression the younger man had already decided the same thing.

‘Now, let’s get this dressing changed.’

Porthos made small talk with d’Artagnan as he gently removed the previous day's bandages and after checking the wound was still clear of any infection redressed it. As he was helping d’Artagnan to pull the cloak back around his shoulders he heard a moan from the bedroom followed by a confused shout.

Porthos hurried through to find Aramis trying to sit up but failing. He was looking around, the confusion obvious in his expression.

‘D’Artagnan?’

‘He’s fine, he’s next door,’ said Porthos as he grabbed Aramis uninjured arm, gaining the Musketeers attention. 

Aramis was sweating and looked unfocused. It took the injured man several seconds to calm his breathing and properly look at him.

‘Sorry,’ he said, ‘I...I was dreaming about...the river bank, when he nearly fell...I didn’t manage to grab him…’

‘But you did grab him and he’s fine...well fine enough…’

Aramis managed to return Porthos’ smile.

‘How did you sleep otherwise?’ asked Porthos, he knew Aramis would lie, but it would be odd if he did not ask the question.

‘Fine...well in fact, I feel fine.’

Porthos tilted his head and looked at Aramis’ arm.

Aramis smiled, ‘there is that, but that’s nothing.’

‘Yeah, well that ‘nothing’ still needs its dressing changed...you coming out? D’Artagnan’s gonna be worried about you.’

MMMM

Porthos had sat with them both for a couple of hours. He updated them on what had been happening in the garrison during the previous day after they had left. Antoine, the young cadet who had looked in when Aramis had experienced his first dream had managed to knock himself out during a sparring session. The lad he had been sparring with was so worried about his friend that he panicked and would not calm down until Treville gave him a stern talking too. 

‘I’m not sure George is cut out to be a soldier. When Antoine came around he was fine, didn’t even complain of a headache. Athos had to pretty much order him to stay in bed for a few hours.’

‘Antoine would probably make a good infantryman,’ remarked Aramis.

Porthos nodded before pausing for a moment, ‘what are you saying? Are you suggesting that infantrymen have hard heads?’

Aramis did not even try not to laugh, ‘your head is the hardest, my friend,’ he replied. 

D’Artagnan watched the exchange with a smile. It was good to see Aramis looking genuinely relaxed, even if it was only for a few minutes. He knew that when the man became tired he would start to worry about further dreams. The brief one that had woken him up had also been very vivid for him, although that one was not a reflection of true events, and Aramis knew that.

‘You,’ said Porthos looking at d’Artagnan, ‘bed, now.’

D’Artagnan had not realised his eyelids had been dropping.

‘I think you are forgetting that Aramis’ injury was a lot less serious than yours,’ Porthos stepped forward and helped d’Artagnan to stand and walked him through to the bedroom. 

As he helped d’Artagnan to get comfortable he leaned in and spoke quietly to prevent Aramis from hearing him.

‘Do you want one of us to stay, overnight? In case he has another dream?’

D’Artagnan shook his head, ‘he’s only talking in his sleep, I can wake him up if it gets too bad.’

Porthos nodded, ‘if you’re sure if you change your mind let Athos know when he visits later, don’t feel that you need to deal with him on your own. We’re all worried about him, and you.’

D’Artagnan smiled, ‘thank you,’ he said.

‘I’ll see you both tomorrow,’ Porthos said as he walked from the room.

D’Artagnan could hear Aramis and Porthos talking in the other room. They were keeping their voices down, he could not make out what they were saying. But, thought d’Artagnan, at least they were safe and no further harm would come to them. 

MMMM

D’Artagnan slept for a few hours, waking to find Aramis sitting in the chair on his side of the bed watching him.

‘How long have you been there for?’ d’Artagnan asked.

‘I like looking at you,’ Aramis replied with a smile, he leaned forward to help him to sit up before kissing him firmly.

‘Have you rested? Slept?’

Aramis looked away for a second.

‘If you dream again I’ll be here, you need to sleep Aramis.’

‘I know, I just...I just don’t want to remember...if I…’

D’Artagnan sighed, he pushed the blankets back and swung his legs off the bed, he managed to push himself up to stand, pulling Aramis up with him. Taking his hand he led his lover back to the living room and pushed him down into one of the chairs as he settled himself in the other one, pulling the cloak around his shoulders again.

‘We have been through this. If you did have sex with him, it wasn’t you, it was drugged and manipulated you...it wouldn’t be a betrayal.’

Aramis did not respond.

‘You’ve said yourself that you want to know.’

Aramis looked at him, ‘I know, I want to but I don’t want to.’

‘That makes no sense,’ said d’Artagnan, ‘I don’t want you to be troubled by this. If it happened, it happened. It will not affect us. You were assaulted by that man and if your first dream was anything to go by you were in no way a willing participant.’

D’Artagnan scowled at his lover for a few seconds before Aramis nodded, ‘I will consider myself told,’ he said.

They both looked over as the door opened, Athos, followed by the tavern keeper entered.

‘My wife wanted to ensure you boys were being looked after properly,’ Marcel said as he lay a covered pot on the small table.

Aramis made a point of inhaling the aroma that seeped from the pot, he smiled.

‘Is that the stew that she knows I like,’ he said with a grin.

D’Artagnan glanced at Athos who rolled his eyes.

‘She’s not even here and you’re flirting with her,’ chuckled Marcel.

D’Artagnan slowly stood up, Athos stepped forward and hovered nearby ready to assist if the injured man needed help. But d’Artagnan found that his strength was starting to return, Marcel pulled out a chair for him and pottered about getting plates and cutlery for the two men. 

Marcel chatted with them, carefully avoiding the subject of their injuries, d’Artagnan realised Athos must have given him some details so that he knew not to inquire. Marcel and his wife were fond of Aramis. The Musketeer had dealt with a couple of brutish men who were trying to extort money from the couple, ever since, the tavern keeper had always looked out for the soldier. He was also one of the few people outside of the inseparables who knew about Aramis and d’Artagnan’s relationship.

When they had finished eating Marcel collected the now empty cooking pot and bid them good evening. Athos saw him out. 

‘I’ll leave you both, do you want helping to bed?’ Athos asked looking at d’Artagnan.

‘I can see him there, my arm is really not too bad now,’ replied Aramis before d’Artagnan could answer.

‘I am apparently not in need of your assistance,’ said d’Artagnan with a glance at Aramis.

Athos nodded, ‘in which case I will leave you, Porthos will be around in the morning, although he might be a little later tomorrow. Marcel has insisted that we eat with him tonight.’

‘If it’s the same stew that we just had,’ remarked Aramis, ‘you’re in for a treat.’

Athos managed a smile before nodding to both men and leaving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the calm before the storm of tomorrows chapter...


	5. ‘You won't remember...’

As they settled themselves in bed again d’Artagnan managed to twist himself onto his side, his injured shoulder causing him to wince as he did so. Despite the discomfort, he reached his arm out across Aramis’ chest.

‘If you pull the stitches, I will be angry with you,’ said Aramis quietly as he closed his hand around his lover's fingers. 

‘If you continue to blame yourself for something that was not your fault, I will be angry with you,’ replied d’Artagnan.

Aramis smiled before saying, ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Sleep well, if you dream, we will deal with it,’ said d’Artagnan.

Aramis nodded, ‘thank you,’ he said quietly.

Aramis watched as his tired lover blinked a few times before falling asleep. Aramis knew he was too weary himself to remain awake. Rather than try to put off the inevitable, Aramis closed his eyes and embraced the sleep he knew he needed, but dreaded the consequences.

MMMM

_A few weeks ago… ___

__‘This is a fine bottle of wine, I’ve come into some money and want to celebrate,’ said Martin as he waved the bottle in Aramis’ direction._ _

__Aramis stood aside and let the man in, he glanced along the street, no one was paying any attention to the Musketeer allowing his friend into his rooms. D’Artagnan rarely used the front door now due to his frequency of visits but Martin had only visited him a few times so would not cause suspicion._ _

__He followed his former lover up the stairs. He knew he was not needed at the garrison until the following day so had no issue with entertaining his old friend for a few hours. D’Artagnan would probably visit later to spend the night, Aramis would make sure Martin was gone before that to prevent his lover from asking his incessant questions._ _

__D’Artagnan was become quite trying now. He had been asking questions and making observations about Martin for a few days now. If Aramis could keep the two men apart it made for an easier life._ _

__Martin had set the bottle down on the table and collected two glasses, before shrugging out of his doublet. Aramis hung the jacket up behind the door, where he would usually put d’Artagnan’s weapons and doublet._ _

__He turned back to Martin who was holding out one of the glasses. Aramis took it and walked to the chair by the fire. Martin watched him carefully._ _

__‘What?’ asked Aramis, finding his gaze quite piercing._ _

__‘I want to know what you think of the wine,’ he said, taking a swig himself to illustrate his point._ _

__Aramis sighed and took a drink, savouring its flavours as he did so._ _

__‘It is good, I’m no expert, but it does taste expensive,’ he said, ‘...are you going to tell me where this money came from?’_ _

__Martin shook his head with a smile before indicating that Aramis should continue to drink the wine._ _

__‘Why spoil our time together with talk of business,’ he said. ‘I want to hear more of your stories of soldiering, you know I love to hear them.’_ _

__Aramis smiled, Martin liked to hear stories, and he enjoyed sharing them. It was always good to have a new audience. As he spoke of skirmishes and rescues, of missions and battles Martin kept his glass topped up. The man would interject occasionally with questions or observations, Aramis enjoyed the interest he showed and the thoughtful comments._ _

__After a while he found that it was becoming difficult to focus, he had only had half a bottle of wine, he was not sure why he felt the way he did. Martin was in front of him taking the glass from his hand._ _

__‘I think you need to lie down, my love,’ Martin said._ _

__Aramis found that he agreed. Martin took him into his bedroom and sat him on the edge of the bed. Aramis tried to unbutton his doublet but could not coordinate his fingers. Martin laughed at him and gently pulled his hands away, he pressed Aramis’ fingers to his lips and kissed them._ _

__Aramis pulled his hands away, ‘what are you doing?’ he said, a little shocked._ _

__‘I’ve waited long enough, my love...and so have you.’_ _

__Aramis could not prevent Martin from pushing his double off him, before pushing him back onto the bed. Aramis tried to pull himself back up to sit but the room span. He could not move. He felt his boots being pulled off, heard them being dropped to the floor. Blinking hard, Aramis tried to clear his fogged up mind to concentrate on what was happening. He knew something was happening and that it was probably not a good thing, but he could not move, could not resist._ _

__‘You want this,’ said Martin as he moved onto the bed and lay next to him smiling._ _

__Aramis blinked again, the man lying next to him, so closely, should not be there. Not now. He had been welcome there a few years ago, but not now._ _

__‘I’m with d’Artagnan.’_ _

__‘He’s a child, I bet he doesn’t treat you the way I treated you. It’s probably all over too quickly...petulant youth.’_ _

__Aramis reached up his hand to stop Martin from stroking his cheek, Martin pushed the hand away, before sliding his hand down Aramis chest towards his breeches._ _

__‘Stop it, Martin, this is not right.’_ _

__‘Shhh...let me do this for you, remind you what you’re missing.’_ _

__Aramis did not want to sleep with Martin. It was clear that was the man’s intention. Why could he not get the man off him? Why was he so weak? Aramis began to panic, Martin was going to fuck him and he could not fight the man off._ _

__What if d’Artagnan arrived early? His lover was already suspicious, he had said that he trusted him but not Martin. If d’Artagnan found them in bed together...found them having sex…how could he explain to the young man that he was not a willing participant?_ _

__‘Please,’ Aramis said, ‘I don’t want to do this.’_ _

__Could he appeal to Martin? Make his former lover understand._ _

__Martin’s hand had reached his breeches and rubbed across his groin a few times before undoing the buttons. Aramis’ breathing quickened, although the man was not being violent with him, what he was doing was violating. Aramis wanted to push the man off him._ _

__Why was he so weak?_ _

__‘I’m going to make you feel good, you used to love me taking charge…’_ _

__Martin was right, they had enjoyed some good times together. Some quick fucks in dark alleyways and some drawn out teasing lovemaking that would last all night. But what the man was doing now was wrong and Aramis wanted it to stop._ _

__‘No,’ he said firmly, raising his voice a little._ _

__Aramis found that even his voice had become weak. Martin leaned over him and kissed him firmly on the lips, Aramis did not reciprocate. Instead, he tried again to push the man off him._ _

__Martin sat up on the bed and twisted around onto his knees beside him and began to pull Aramis’ shirt out of his breeches, pushing it up over his chest. Aramis shut his eyes and took a few deep breaths._ _

__Should he just accept it was going to happen? Accept that he was too drunk to do anything to stop the man?_ _

__Martin had shifted down the bed a little and was busy pulling Aramis’ breeches and underclothes off him. Aramis was vaguely aware that he was not aroused. Martin had paused for a few seconds and rubbed his hand over Aramis now exposed cock. It gave Aramis an ounce of satisfaction that he was not reacting to the man’s touch. The alcohol no doubt responsible for his lack of interest in the proceedings. Aramis would have laughed if he had the energy._ _

__After a few seconds, Martin continued to pull Aramis clothing from him before clambering off the bed to strip himself of his own breeches and undo his underclothes. Aramis watched him with disdain. D’Artagnan was right. The man was up to something. Had this been his plan all along? He wished he could remember fully what had happened between them on the first night, but he had been too drunk then as well._ _

__Aramis sent out silent apologies to his lover for what was about to happen. A thought struck him as Martin looked around the room for something. Would he even remember this? If he had forgotten all that went on during that first encounter, he probably would not remember this. Aramis felt tears filling his eyes. He was about to betray his lover and he probably would not remember doing so. He hated himself. He was weak and pathetic. How had he managed to get himself into this position?_ _

__‘Please stop,’ he asked quietly as Martin picked up the oil bottle from under the bed and poured some on his fingers before climbing back on the bed and pushing Aramis legs apart._ _

__The man looked up at him, Aramis looked away, closing his eyes again. Perhaps he could pretend this was not happening?_ _

__As Martin gently pushed his fingers into him, Aramis could not stop the tears spilling down his cheeks, he threw one arm over his face, he did not want Martin to look at him._ _

__‘You’ll enjoy it, just relax.’_ _

__‘Why are you doing this? How are you doing this?’ Aramis managed to say, even though he was sure he would not remember the answer._ _

__‘You don’t need to know, my love, I just wanted to remind you how good I am.’_ _

__Aramis did not try to hide a wince as Martin scissored the two fingers he now had inside him. One thing slightly amused him, d’Artagnan was far better at the act than Martin was. Martin had always thought he was good at preparing Aramis for sex. Aramis had never told him otherwise, not wishing to hurt his feelings. But Martin was far too rough with his preparations, too forceful, Aramis had just learnt to hide the discomfort. He did not bother to hide his discomfort now._ _

__‘If you relaxed you would enjoy it more, my love,’ was Martin’s response, as he pushed a third finger in._ _

__Aramis tried to relax knowing it would be better if he did. He blinked a few times, wondering how long he would feel so weak for, he wanted to punch his former lover._ _

__After a few more minutes Martin pulled his fingers away, Aramis tried to stop himself from being turned onto his front. His breathing quickened again. Sex in this position was not something he did now, its associations too horrible._ _

__‘Calm down and enjoy it,’ soothed Martin stroking his hand up and down Aramis’ back a few times before arranging the unwilling, weakened man to his liking._ _

__As Martin positioned himself, Aramis closed his eyes and concentrated on relaxing. He just wanted it over. If he did forget he had been used by Martin, would it be a good thing?_ _

__Martin pushed himself into Aramis who could not help a gasp at the invasion. Martin continued to make comments about how much he should enjoy it and that he should just relax. Aramis tried to withdraw into himself, wanted to hide within his own mind. But he could not, he felt every slow measured thrust. Martin was taking his time, enjoying himself._ _

__Aramis tried to pull forward to get away, but Martin held him still. It did not take the man much effort._ _

__Aramis gave up, he just lay still, waiting for it to be over. Martin came with a grunt, collapsing forwards onto Aramis who did not react. The man pulled out of him and flopped to the side of him breathing fast. Aramis was facing away, he was glad, he did not want to ever see the man’s face again. He felt his former lover trail his fingers across his back for a few seconds as he got his breathing under control._ _

__‘I suppose, my love, I had better get you cleaned up before your young man comes around. We don’t want him knowing now, do we? And that drug will start to wear off in a bit as well.’_ _

__Drugged?_ _

__It explained his lethargy, Aramis cursed his own stupidity. It was no wonder Martin was so sure he was not going to be caught for what he had just done. Aramis would not remember it. Aramis would not remember that he had been raped by his former lover. He had not encouraged the man, he had not asked for what had happened. Martin had assaulted him, and he would not remember it had happened._ _

__‘I hate you,’ he managed to say as tears spilt from his eyes again._ _

__Martin leaned over him, ‘you won’t remember…’_ _


	6. Recovery

‘I hate you,’ said Aramis distress in his voice, tears in his eyes.

D’Artagnan sniffed and wiped at the tears that were threatening to spill from his own eyes. He had woken early enough into Aramis’ dream to have been able to work out what his lover was reliving. Lestrange had forced himself onto Aramis, and his lover had in the moment known exactly what was happening but been unable to stop it.

Aramis was not under the influence of a drug that left him unaware. No, Lestrange had cruelly slipped Aramis a drug that merely left him weakened and helpless. Lestrange might have saved Aramis in the earlier encounter, but he had only saved the man for himself. To be used and abused on his own terms and in such a way that although he forgot the encounter afterwards, in the moment, Aramis was distressingly aware.

In some ways, d’Artagnan wished that Aramis had been given something that left him unable to remember the fear. Perhaps it would have been better for his lover to have enjoyed the encounter. At least, now that he was likely to remember it he would only have been left embarrassed that it had happened. But that would not be the case, Aramis had been raped by the man, he was an unwilling participant. He had clearly been distressed then and was clearly distressed now as he relived the assault in his dream. 

D’Artagnan reached out his hand to gently touch his lover, he could not watch any longer, he wanted the nightmare to be over for him.

‘Aramis...wake up,’ he said quietly and calmly.

‘Please just leave me alone, I won’t tell him, just leave me alone.’

D’Artagnan shook his head. He was fairly sure the assault had happened on the day he had found Lestrange walking along the back alleyway behind Aramis’ rooms. Aramis had seemed a little confused and had nearly collapsed. Aramis had passed the incident off as him getting up too quickly from his chair. Now d’Artagnan realised Lestrange must have cleaned his lover, dressed him and put him in the chair before he left. Aramis had been left as the drug had worn off and his memory of the event had disappeared as well. D’Artagnan could only guess his lover had passed out for a while and perhaps awoken already back in the chair as if nothing had happened. 

‘Aramis, wake up,’ he said with a little more force, it was time to end his lover's distress. 

With no warning, Aramis pushed d’Artagnan away. Inadvertently Aramis knocked him on his injured shoulder causing him to cry out in pain. Aramis pushed with enough force to knock d’Artagnan onto his back, he screwed his eyes shut and clutched at the wound with his right hand.

MMMM

Aramis woke with a start when he heard d’Artagnan’s cry. He was breathing hard and for a few moments could not work out where he was or what was happening. 

The memories came back to him all at once, he was struggling to breathe at all. It was horrible. How could his former lover had done that to him? Why had his former lover done that to him?

‘Aramis…’

He looked across the bed to d’Artagnan who was looking at him with concern. And pain-filled eyes. Aramis looked at his lover's hand, clutched tightly over his shoulder. With shock Aramis noticed the blood seeping through his fingers. Aramis realised what he had done.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said as he scrambled out of the bed and grabbed some cloths. 

He gently pulled d'Artagnan’s hand away and pressed the cloths to the wound.

‘The stitches are pulled...I...didn’t…’

He trailed off, unsure what he should do. He found himself blinking unable to focus.

‘Aramis?’ asked d’Artagnan, the concern in his voice palpable.

‘The stitches need to be put back in…’

‘Are you alright? I mean, I know your not alright, but…’

Aramis looked at his lover again and shook his head, ‘I can’t do it,’ he said simply.

Aramis hated to admit to being too weak to deal with the injury to his lover. He continued to press down on the wound with the cloths. He did not know what else to do.

‘Aramis, you’ll need to get help...go to the tavern, Athos said that they were eating there tonight. They’re probably still there.’

‘But…’ 

D’Artagnan managed to prise Aramis’ hands off the wound and replace them with his own.

‘What if you pass out?’ asked Aramis.

If d’Artagnan could not maintain the pressure on the wound he might lose too much blood, the cloths were already soaked. 

‘I won’t if you’re quick.’

Aramis thought for a moment before he realised his lover, although injured and in pain was making more sense than he was at that moment. He nodded and rose from the bed. He managed to grab his breeches and pulled them on, wavering a couple of times in the process. What was the matter with him?

He thought for one horrible moment that he had been drugged again, but he knew that was not the case. Perhaps it was just the after effects of remembering what had happened. But he could not deal with that whilst his lover was in need. His only purpose at that moment was to get help for d’Artagnan. He grabbed his cloak and managed to swing it over his shoulders.

‘Aramis,’ said d’Artagnan from behind him, ‘you need to put your boots on first.’

Aramis looked down at his bare feet for a few seconds before he comprehended what d’Artagnan had said.

A few minutes later he was carefully descending the stairs. The tavern was only a few minutes away from his rooms but today it felt like miles. He pulled the door open and stumbled out onto the dark street. 

He just had to get to the tavern, if Athos and Porthos were not there, Marcel would help him. He could not leave d’Artagnan for long, his wound was bleeding and it was his fault.

He had been attacked and he had not known it. But he knew it now. He remembered how his former lover had cleaned him, washed him, made sure there was no trace of their activity. The man had dressed him and tidied the rooms up. All the time Aramis had been unable to do anything other than watch as he gradually lost consciousness. 

He had been assaulted before, but that had been violent, this had been conniving, done in such a way that he had been left wondering if anything had even happened. He thought for a while nothing had, now he knew how wrong he had been.

The tavern was just ahead of him, he knew it was generally quiet at this time of night. He just had to reach the door. 

MMMM

_Two days later… ___

__He could hear a quiet conversation above him. He recognised the voices. He slowly opened his eyes._ _

__‘Took your time,’ said Porthos with a smile._ _

__Aramis managed to focus on his friend._ _

__‘Want to sit up?’_ _

__He managed a nod. Porthos leaned over him to help him up before pouring water for him._ _

__‘Before you start,’ continued Porthos, ‘he’s over there and he’s fine.’_ _

__Aramis looked across the garrison infirmary and found his lover lying on the next bed, Athos sat next to him._ _

__‘What do you remember?’ asked the swordsman._ _

__Aramis had to think for a moment, ‘I had another dream...I pushed him...accidentally...his stitches were pulled...I think I walked to the tavern.’_ _

__Porthos huffed out a laugh, ‘you may have walked to the tavern but you stumbled into it. You were very confused by the time you got there.’_ _

__‘If Porthos had been any slower,’ said Athos, ‘you would probably have ended up smashing into a table and injuring yourself. You collapsed.’_ _

__Aramis felt himself redden with embarrassment._ _

__Porthos smiled at him, ‘you’ve had a fever for the last couple of days. Your wound was infected. I can only apologise for not spotting it.’_ _

__‘I recall feeling very odd when I was trying to get help for him,’ said Aramis._ _

__An infection would explain why he had found it so difficult to deal with the injury he had caused to d’Artagnan. He was grateful his brothers were still at the tavern when he had reached it._ _

__‘Before you swooned like a fair maiden,’ continued Porthos, ‘you managed to tell us that d’Artagnan needed help. Marcel looked after you whilst we went back to your rooms. The lad was very pale when we got there and very worried about you, but he had managed to keep the pressure on the wound. We got you both back here.’_ _

__Aramis looked across to d’Artagnan._ _

__‘He’s been awake,’ said Athos answering Aramis’ obvious question._ _

__There were a few seconds when none of them spoke. Aramis could feel the tenseness in the room. He suspected he knew the reason why._ _

__‘Did he tell you why I pushed him away and caused the stitches to be ripped?’ Aramis could not look at either of his brothers as he spoke._ _

__Porthos laid his hand over Aramis wrist, ‘he told us enough.’_ _

__Aramis nodded his understanding, ‘have I...when I was feverish...did I…’_ _

__‘No, you have not dreamt, at least not about that,’ Athos paused for a moment. ‘Do you think there is anything else that you have yet to remember?’_ _

__Aramis looked up again, he looked at each of his brothers, ‘I hope not.’_ _

__Porthos squeezed his wrist gently._ _

__‘He forced me, I knew what he was doing but whatever he drugged me with...I couldn’t stop him. I tried to, but I couldn’t.’_ _

__Aramis was aware that his breathing had quickened, Porthos had resorted to rubbing this thumb over his wrist. It was oddly comforting to know that both of his friends had been in similar positions, not to the same extent, but they knew how he felt. How helpless and pathetic he felt._ _

__‘And now it is over,’ said Athos with his usual stoicism._ _

__Aramis knew that Athos did not want him to just forget the incident and carry on. Athos was telling him that the incident was finished. He did not have to worry about it any more. He might still have to deal with it in his mind but physically he was no longer in danger._ _

__D’Artagnan stirred, they all looked over at him. He blinked a couple of times before looking at Athos who nodded in Aramis’ direction._ _

__‘Hello,’ said Aramis with a smile, ‘I won’t apologise for hurting you, because you will only tell me off.’_ _

__D’Artagnan allowed Athos to help him up to sit, ‘good. How are you feeling? You look a lot better. I must admit I was a bit worried you wouldn’t even make it to the tavern when I sent you off for help.’_ _

__‘I think if you hadn’t told me what to do I might not have gone anywhere.’_ _

__Porthos laughed, ‘at least ‘e takes orders off someone. I think you should remember that next time you have to dish out orders.’_ _

__Athos nodded, ‘indeed. Now, as you are both awake I suspect you will want to talk.’_ _

__Athos rose from his seat and headed for the door. Porthos paused on his way across the room._ _

__‘We won’t go far,’ he said._ _

__‘Thank you,’ said Aramis as he watched them go before turning back to d’Artagnan._ _

__‘You don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to. I think I gathered enough of what had happened from what you said in your sleep,’ said d’Artagnan._ _

__Aramis considered his words carefully, ‘I know I said I did and didn’t want to know. But I think now that I know how unwilling I was it is a relief,’ he paused. ‘If I had been a willing participant, even a drugged willing participant I don’t think I could have forgiven myself for doing that to you.’_ _

__‘You know I wouldn’t have-’_ _

__‘Yes I know you wouldn’t have minded, but part of me would always have been wondering if I had secretly wanted to sleep with him.’_ _

__D’Artagnan nodded his understanding._ _

__‘I want you to know that we don’t need to rush into...sleeping together again,’ said d’Artagnan after a few seconds silence, ‘if you need some time, I will wait for you. Don’t think that I won’t.’_ _

__Aramis managed a smile, ‘I know,’ he said, ‘and I appreciate and love you for it.’_ _

__The End._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it and it wasn’t too angsty. 
> 
> I have three more ideas knocking about in my head for future stories in this series, yes, three...I was only ever going to write one story!


End file.
